3 days left.

I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to feel right now. I have an underlying conviction that things will work out for the best, but that in itself is a bit unsettling. My sister sent me this today. Sounds like a great job, if you're qualified. I'm not. I've had lots of suggestions for jobs, but these same people are saying "something even better is around the corner", but then some of these people act offended when I turn down their offer. I see this whole lay-off fiasco as my Big Opportunity to get into something that's meaningful to *me*. For the past year, I've been lamenting that I sold out my childhood ideals and 'settled', and now's my chance to make it up to myself, I guess. Not that I expect my next job to be THE job, it's just not going to be A job. You know?

But then I thought, fuck it. I'll just buy this guy's life.

Since SOMEONE was too lazy to find me some decent entertainment this evening, I was left to my own devices. Really cool though. Try clicking Preview to see it replayed.

Hmm. I just got a sudden urge to buy a lightbulb.

Oh, just to let you know the type of day I'm having, I just saw two huge tanks drive down West Main Street. One of them looked like it had missiles on it, and the driver was wearing a white hankerchief to cover his face.

Now there's something you don't see everyday.

The sting of rejection. Ouch.

Well, apparently I'm not good enough for Mr. Jean-Marc. Maybe he likes women who are employed... or French.... or literate.

Probably the most disturbing thing about this is that when I told my sister about the 'experiment', she thought I was attracted to this guy. *She* gave *me* advice about 'online dating'. Four out of my last eight relationships were with people I had known previously online. Half of those four were what we could call 'normal'.

People you meet on the Internet are typically socially maladjusted. Oh yes. Yours truly included.

I felt very defensive when my sister made that comment. Which makes me wonder about the rise of the Internet. When I first went online (about 8 years ago, at the tender age of 15), it was the underbelly of society. It was mostly comprised of greasy, obnoxious boys. The kind who probably picked at their zits in public. There was also maybe a handful of women. They were so rare in this society that they achieved goddess like status. Those were the days....

I'm not really sure where this rant is going... I think maybe I'm hesitant to open up my playground. I was there for the 'golden age' of this new medium, and I guess I'm protective of it. It's a depressing thing to admit, but my computer was my best friend during my adolescence. There were unspoken rules of online communication then. There were less consequences then. Or maybe I was naïve.

Anyway, the Internet has gone from something I would only talk about with my geeky brethren, to a mainstream mode of communication. I used to talk with complete strangers online, form intense (but ridiculous) relationships, but never meet them face to face. Now, I use the Internet to talk with my family and "real" friends. It's such an interesting shift. It's sort of akin to the shift in attitudes about homosexuality. Computer geeks used to hide their geekiness. Homosexuals (well, some of them.. let's not get too carried away with the generalizations) used to hide their homosexuality. Geeky things were done in back rooms, with their peers, and was hardly ever spoken of outside of that setting. Same thing with homosexuality. Then the shift. Geeks became gods. Gay men became an essential accessory for the cosmopolitan woman. Both became VALUABLE.

Well, there's a whole can of worms. I am fully aware of my sweeping generalizations, but it's my blog, damnit. Wanna make something of it?

And so begins Episode One of THE TI-TURN EXPERIMENT

On Tuesday, January 21st at 2:00pm, I wrote:

Alo Jean-Marc!

Good to hear from you. :) You sound like a fun guy, though I must admit that I had a hard time reading some parts of your email. If you'd like, you can write me in French, and I can try to understand it. :)

So, you've finished your bachelor in university? In what field? What university did you go to? Are you working now? I'm also looking for work - I'm losing my job at the end of the month. :( I keep hearing 'when one door closes, another one opens', or something like that, so I hope it's true!

Well, back to work! I hope to hear from you soon! ;)

Jenn.

Gee, I hope he writes back!

Just to make things interesting, I'm going to reply to the email below. I will post all!

Who needs a job?!

Just as I'm starting to feel sorry myself, I get this email.

hello,

I hope that you go well at present? I came to make a Ti-turn on the site
msn-meetings and I have just seen your card and it has me more. I write to you
in order to know if you would like that one makes contact.

Me, I am a young man of Miscou (NB) and I have 24 years old. I am old studying
university which finished its bachelor. At present, I seek myself an
employment which is not easy to find. I am a guy who likes all the life, likes
the fun, the tranquility, the evenings between friends, sport etc. ... And much
another things. ..

Bye and alp I hope well. ..attention with you
Jean-Marc xoxox




*SWOON* I've always wanted to meet a man who 'likes al the life" and "much another things". Also, I'll give my right foot to anyone who can tell me what the hell a "Ti-turn" is.

I decided to change the template as it's the same as Tiresa's. Also, this one has lots of room to improve/improvise. I only wish I could put boobs on this tux.

Recent conversation I had with a middle school SEX EDUCATOR from Fredericton (there was a group of us discussing when to start teaching sex ed):

Me: We really need to it teach this earlier. I didn't know what a dental dam or roofie was until my year in university.
SEX EDUCATOR: What? I need to talk to you later (laughing)!

Later, in the ladies bathroom.

SEX EDUCATOR: So, what were those things you were talking about?
Me: blah blah.. I essentially explain, in detail, what they are for, where you can get them, how they are used, etc, etc.
SEX EDUCATOR: Right, so never leave your cup unattended, I remember hearing about that on TV.
Me: Erh, yeah.

On our way out of the bathroom.

SEX EDUCATOR: But, why would you need a dental damn for oral sex? You can't get AIDS from oral sex.
Me: Uhm, yes, and there is herpes, HPV, and a variety of other STD's and STI's.
****SEX EDUCATOR****: Oh, okay, I suppose.


AAAGGGHHH!! This, people, is why I need to get into this business!!!!!!! These people are teaching CHILDREN about SEX, and do now know simple method of protection!

*sigh*

Seeing that Sarah has linked me to her site, I better keep this up! Good news: This page will move to the just recently discovered webspace my father has had for at least 6 years. Hoorah! I will post the link when a) I know what the hell it is and b) I u/l all the goodies.

So, for the first time in my life, I'm faced with the fact that I have no job, but debts to pay. Though I realize things could be *much* worse, I still sometimes feels like a staging a hissy fit - or worse yet, listen to Jagged Little Pill, on repeat, until my eardrums collapse from the shrieking.

On the other hand, I'm going to a forum on sexuality in Fredericton on Monday. There are many good things to come from that:

1) I get to stay in a hotel.
2) The hotel has a pool.
3) I can meet people who are doing what I want to do.
4) I have a meeting when a get there with a woman named "Dixie", who is, incidentally, the name the first prostitute I ever spoke to (and, consequently, gave a condom to).

Funny how life works.

Seeing as how I'm not good at keeping diaries (4 failed attempts and counting), and I'm anticipating more free time on my hands, I decided to give this a shot. More to follow.